Headlines by Drake

The image isn't glitched.  A  good portion of the video had one image on the top and bottom and another in the middle.  The runner up for a good screenshot would have been a completely black screen, because it would flash black multiple times a second.  The music video shows the guy in places.  Places that make absolutely zero sense.  This party, a sports stadium, an elevator, and in front of a building with a graffito by the guy on it.  I thought for a moment it might be contrasting rich and poor lifestyles, but then I realized that first of all, that actually is a concept that people can grasp, and second of all, very little of the video actually shows rich or poor things.  Also, my eyes were quite annoyed by the constant black flashing.

watch it here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zi8FoOUbtak



1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
It doesn't sit still long enough to dance, so point.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
Nope.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
The images are quite unrelated.  The only thing that is constant throughout the video is the guest star, Mr. Black Screen.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.....
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
No point.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower.  
No. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
Nope.



This video gets a 2/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Alone With You by Jake Owen

The main character gets a text message from his girlfriend about her seeing him in twenty minutes.  He waits for her and they kiss.  Of course, that's not exactly all they do.  Halfway through, the same thing happens.  The whole time, he's also playing guitar on his couch.  The first and second halves have almost zero difference.  You could practically quit halfway through and have seen the entire video.  As shown in the screenshot, he also loves to walk through an alley of sorts with a dejected look on his face.  It's like how some people have a habit of feeding pigeons in parks, I think....

Watch it here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3EpArAtGJQ&ob=av2e


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
No dancing!  Instant points.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No point.  All but repeating half-way through just doesn't pack the same oomph.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
I'm going to call it a theme.  The theme is being texted, waiting for your girlfriend, and then doing naughty things with her.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
I don't think so.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
It shows random shots of him sitting on a couch playing guitar and walking through an alley all the time.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower.   
No point.
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
No point.




This video gets a 4/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Brighter than the Sun by Colbie Caillat

The whole thing goes from the girl in the picture being at a dance party and the girl in the picture bringing plants and grass inside.  Those are the two premises of the video.  I have to admit that I enjoyed a bit of the plant stuff, but otherwise, this video was dreadful.  Who would ever watch it... oh, yeah.  Me.  But if you aren't doing a blog that reviews music videos, this is not worth watching.

watch it here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KU5o6M7S5nQ



1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
She dances a bit, and I wouldn't say her dancing or the dancing at the dance party appealed to me.  No point.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
No point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
I'll give the "plant" half of the video this.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Why would a music video ever have one of these?
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
That's a negative.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower.  
I can think of a million plant-related things she could have done, and she didn't do any of them.
 1 point to spare in case I really like it.
No point.



This video gets a 1/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO

Twenty-eight days ago, the song in the video was released.  It has become so popular that people cannot get on with their everyday lives without breaking out into dance.  Truly, it is a terrible world.  The two protagonists are pulled over and given earplugs by one of the sane ones.  It almost sounds like a good start.

Then the music starts and they just dance the entire rest of the video.  There is nothing worth seeing in the music part of the music video.  The background also likes to mysteriously change whenever it feels like it.

Watch it here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQ6zr6kCPj8&ob=av2e


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
Well, the entire video is at least taken up with good dancing.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
≠ 

1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
That could have easily been a second grace, but whoever designed this video was most likely too drunk to care.  They just dance until the end.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
I will give it this because of the awesomeness before the song starts.  I'm a nice person.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
LMAO no.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
It looks very bad.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
The whole video is one big diversion from the stuff at the beginning.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower.
I don't think so.
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
No point.



This video gets a 2/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Domino by Jessie J

The whole thing was the girl in the screenshot dancing -- badly -- in front of different abstract backgrounds.




That's it.


Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJtB55MaoD0

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
Bad dancing the whole way through.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
No point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
N
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
N
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
N
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
This video was so devoid of anything, I'm not even bothering to say something for most of the points.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
N
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
N
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower.  
N
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
N





This video gets a whopping 0/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

When We Stand Together by Nickelback

The very first song I reviewed here was Savin Me by Nickelback.  I loved it and still think of it as one of the greatest music videos ever.  So, naturally, I figured that another song by the same band might be just as good.  Maybe, failing that, it would be at least pleasant to watch.  I was wrong.  The screenshot captures about 80 percent of the video.  The other 20 is filled with images.  Are they in any way related?  Not unless you count "emotionally evocative" as a relation.  The only thread that I could see through the pictures was that they are all of things intended to create strong emotions: firemen rescuing people, somebody holding bullets in their hands, and other, similar portrayals of vaguely emotional miscellanea.  The band playing in the grass offset the emotional nature of the snippets by having fun with camera angles.  A terrible, terrible music video.


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
This is a case of "It would be better with dancing."
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
The majority of images are of the band on the grassy mountain, which I would all count as one image.  The rest weren't related at all.  They were highly emotional, but even the emotion caused varied: some were hopeful, while others were saddening.

1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
I don't think that most bands have concerts on mountaintops, and it definitely wasn't cool.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower.   
There wasn't anything interesting about this video at all.
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
No point.


This video gets a 2/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

T. H. E. (The Hardest Ever) by will.i.am

Yes, you see that right.  Mick Jagger is in this video, and not just clips from long ago.  He sings part of the song, too, unlike in Moves like Jagger.  I was looking through the Billboard Hot 100 website, like I do whenever I can't think of a modern song, and I was amazed to see that there was a song featuring somebody who not only had a name I recognized, but also a name I liked the music from.  He can still sing, too.  Apparently, most of the people came to this song for the same reasons I did, because most of the comments appeared to be about Mick Jagger.  Anyways, I digress.  Jagger might have been able to sing, but the music video itself was horrible.  The main guy starts out running, then gets on a bicycle with large box-like things being thrown at him and a wall coming up.  He then gets in progressively bigger and bigger vehicles while large box-like things get thrown at him and walls rise from the ground.  He finally goes into space, where Mick Jagger is there, along with acid-trip imagery for the rest of the song.  If you enjoy your eyes, don't watch it.

Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjIwmJMqrco


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
The guy, the girl, and Jagger all like to dance a lot.  None of it is good.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
No point.  One could say the same thing about the entire video....
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No-sir-ee.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
I guess I'll count the constantly progressing vehicles in the beginning as a series of related images.  Point.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
NO.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
OH GOSH NO.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
It looks lame.  Jagger comes on and, believe it or not, it looks even worse.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
OH HOLY GOSH ON A STICK NO.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
Everything about this video does not go hard; it goes home.
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I really don't.

This video gets a 3.5/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Countdown by Beyonce

What IS this?  Why would somebody in their right mind MAKE a music video like this?  Coherency must not be exactly their strong suit.  Look at the screenshot.  The entire video is like this.  She dances and hugs herself and her shirt changes color.  Nothing worth watching happens.


Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XY3AvVgDns&ob=av2e


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
Well, at least she can dance.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Every single person in the video dances.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
Nope.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
There is nothing remotely like this in the video.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Nope.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Nope.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
Look at the screenshot.  You can tell it doesn't get this point because the rest of the video is incredibly similar.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
Ha.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
I don't count the power of making bad music videos.
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I really don't like it.



This video gets a 1/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Not your Fault by AWOLNATION

Lookee!  I'm now providing pictures!

Anyhow, Not your Fault is about a man who falls asleep and dreams of several different ways of rescuing a girl.  First, she is tied up in a snow beast's lair.  Then he saves her from burning at stake, all the while dodging bullets from a green monster.  The green one is killed only to be replaced by an even bigger one.  Finally, he saves her from a bunch of aliens on the moon... by zapping them with a ray that makes them want to dance.  In the first two stories, his friends are killed by the beasts.  In the third, they all dance at the end.  It's fairly good, but nothing to write home about.

Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbM_yE8KSmE

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
No point.  The aliens dance mainly by rocking back and forth.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
No point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
 In the beginning, the dream starts in his bed.  In the end, he's shown once again sleeping with Z's coming out of his mouth.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
It has three little plotlines wrapped up into one big plotline.

1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
No.  As you can see in the screenshot, it has kids' show animation.  It is interrupted by completely random half stop-motion, half random stuff moving in the background.

1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
After every story, there is a big, long diversion where he sings and chaotic items move around him.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower.
No point.

1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I like it.  Point.



This video gets a 5/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Say You Like Me by We the Kings

The protagonist wants to get the girl.  Unfortunately, the animated bad guy kidnaps her.  Luckily, he's got enough skills to get through all six levels and the fight to get to her, and she has the skills to defeat the final boss.  The entire world becomes a series of video games.

Watch it here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsBu-FXkhEA

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
I didn't notice any dancing.  It was too fun for any of that.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.

1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
The video is pretty straightforward and doesn't have anything warranting this point.

1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
It's an entire huge plot with several characters.  They are conveniently labelled as well.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Yay!

1 point if the music video has a plotline.
There's an entire four-minute fun-filled story here.

1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
Fail.  No point.

1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
No point.  Not all of those video games seemed to be strictly about him getting the girl from the bad guy.  The guitar hero one and the wii tennis one seemed especially suspect.

1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
It's all a video game!  Win. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
Love it!


This video gets a 7/10.
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Love You Like a Love Song by Selena Gomez

Here's one of those videos that just makes you scratch your head and say "What the...."  It starts out with somebody singing horribly in a karaoke place.  The person steps down and who should be announced next  but Selena Gomez?  As she sings, it cuts between her and what's going on besides lyrics on the karaoke screen.  Some examples: people in sombreros hitting a pinata with light sabers, a car running through a vector game, and Selena and a random guy walking down a purple beach.  "Coherent" would not make the top ten list of words to describe it.

Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgT_us6AsDg&ob=av2e


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
The crazy ones always seem to get the dancing points, because dancing can almost be an explanation for the insanity, and they can't have that!

1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.

1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No.  On a side note, all of the people in the screen make their way out to the karaoke place.

1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
 ... alright, the karaoke images were somewhat related.  point.

1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Not even.

1 point if the music video has a plotline.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
It just doesn't.

1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
It has diversions from the series of related images, even.

1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
Purpleness is not really that interesting. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I don't.


This video gets a 3/10.
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Gym Class Heroes by Stereo Hearts

The whole point of this video seems to be "If you like dancing, then you'll love dancing... with shadows!"  The video is taken up by several people dancing while their shadows do different dance moves, dance faster, get picked up by giant shadow hands, or explode.  There are also a few shots of televisions.  Not really worth watching.

Your shadow can watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3E9Wjbq44E&ob=av2e

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
Wonderful dancing.  I actually liked the shadow aspect of it.  What I didn't like was how the whole video was dedicated to that concept.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
No point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
Not at all.  The video had several things that only came into play in the beginning that I expected to see at the end, but I didn't.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
I'll give it a point here because shadow-dancing has to count for something as far as this goes.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
No... the radio that seems to buzz time a bit at the beginning completely wrecked the idea of a realistic setting where the shadows were the only things off.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
It was diversion city in this video, what with the random TVs coming into play every so often.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
This music video is the epitome of this point. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
Close, but no cigar.


This video gets a 3/10.
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Someone Like You by Adele

Ever just had that insatiable urge to watch somebody walking across a bridge in black and white for almost five minutes straight?  This video will not fulfill that urge, because at the end there is a change of scenery: she is walking down a road for the last minute.  Fun.  Things really don't get worse than this as far as music videos go.  On a lighter note, I've changed the "makes you think" point's name to better suit its intended purpose.

Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQl3WQQoQ0&ob=av2e


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
It manages this point by having no dancing.  The reason is that it has nothing interesting period, and dancing just happens to fall into that.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No point.  In fact, it really doesn't have a beginning or end.  You could pick it up at any time in the video and have the video play until it reaches that point again and not lose anything.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
No point at all.  It's like watching a five-second gif for five minutes.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
I think the idea of "black and white will make anything automatically deep" was played with here.  It was disproved.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
It makes the other music videos look bad by being a music video.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
It... gets this point.  It's very realistic to just be walking for five minutes.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
Because it fails to have any theme or plotline at all, no point.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
I don't count "being in black and white" as interesting. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
Nope.


This video gets a 3/10.
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Handlebars by Flobots

It's a lot easier to understand once you're able to tell the difference between the two main characters.  Just wanted to get that out there, because I at first thought that it was just about one guy.  The video starts with two guys riding bicycles down a hill.  They hug and go their separate ways -- one goes down a path with a dove on the sign and the other goes down a path with a stylized copyright symbol on the sign.  The dove-sign man goes down a sidewalk and watches people doing happy things, like dancing and jumping rope.  He picks up a fallen apple and puts it back in its container.  On the sidewalk is a chalk drawing of two people going down a hill on bicycles.  The other guy going down the copyright path is then shown receiving a call from the first guy.  He is surrounded by automobiles and advertisements for sex and clothes.  As a minor note, one of the things in the background is a raven or crow in the sky.  A skyscraper is being built in the distance.  He soon becomes head of a business and then a nation.  His friend from the beginning walks by and sees him on the television as a dove is attacked in the sky by a raven or crow.  People become less happy as security cameras start popping up.  The friend from the dove path gives a call to action against the changes.  The scenes get darker and darker and more security cameras appear (especially chilling is the one that targets on the friend from the dove path on the word "assassination").  Finally, the two former friends meet.  The one who took the copyright path has snipers and a riot squad with him, while the one from the dove path is simply leading a group of citizens with handmade bombs.  The friend who took the dove path is killed while the other friend wears a look of horror.  The two are then shown riding bikes once again down the hill.  Powerful stuff.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLUX0y4EptA&ob=av2e

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
Here's the problem: when I made this criteria, I meant random dancing that the main characters do that really serves no purpose but to look cool.  There's dancing, but the few seconds of dancing are used to illustrate that the people on the dove side are happy.  I will give it both points and go by the spirit and not the letter of the system I created.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
 Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
The beginning and end are marked by the two friends riding bicycles down a hill in a carefree manner.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
Plotline here.  The length of the summary at the beginning of this post should have been the first clue.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Oddly enough, I at first thought it was a theme because I didn't distinguish between the two characters.  Make sure to remember: one has brown hair and the other has blond.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Goodness yes.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
Here's where it fails.  The animation goes from horrible to square in the center of the uncanny valley.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
None at all.
1 point if the music video does something that makes you think. 
Despite all of the underlying messages, it doesn't apply to this video in the sense I mean this point. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I love this music video.  It's full of things that make you say "oh" the second time you watch it.  The story will give you those chills you get when you see a movie or read a book with a good, dramatic ending.


This video gets an 8/10. 
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.