Worst Case Scenario by the Hoosiers

What a complete and utter crapfest!  This reminds me of the video where the people all danced, but it was "interesting" because their shadows danced as well, using different moves.  In this plotless wonder, the gimmick was to have the wooden walls shift around, appear, disappear, and defy gravity while the band sings.  I must have just gotten lucky on the last three Hoosiers videos, because this is filled with mediocrity.


Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzrwZpEMCkc&ob=av2e

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
They just sit there playing their instruments mostly, but there is some dancing.  It's not very good.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
No point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
Zero.  Definition: the number of points this video has received so far.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
N 
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
Yeah, right.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
Ooooh, it got one!
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
Nein!




This video gets a1/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Cops and Robbers by the Hoosiers

The worst Hoosiers music video yet and it's still better than most of the others!  The Hoosiers are criminals, 1853-style.  They have wanted posters up and everything.  They start off in a boat, pass through several taverns, and end up dancing in a public square.  Everybody else dances, too, until the old-fashioned police break it all up.  Though it had more of a theme than a plotline and had a lot of dancing in it, it was a lot of fun to watch.  How often do you see a music video set in 1853?  The only dastardly things they do are steal a beggar's coins and a butcher's handkerchief.  Also, random feathers are involved.

Watch it here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nzn0ISaR9OQ&ob=av2e

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
The people in the square can't really dance that well.  They're coordinated, but they mainly just put their hands up and down.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
No point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
When they start dancing, you see all of the people who were seen earlier, including the guy with the lobotomy scar.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
The theme is a bunch of 1853 robbers running from cops.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
It's 1853!  What could be cooler?
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
Point.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower.  
No point.
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I've really liked every Hoosiers music video I've seen so far, and this is no exception.








This video gets a 6/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Worried About Ray by the Hoosiers

Wow, the song sounds a lot like "So Happy Together".  I have never heard a song sound as much like another song before.  The music video's pretty good, though.  The Hoosiers are being directed in a monster movie by Ray, who is also a sculptor.  One of his creations comes to life and attacks the band.  They stab it in the eye with a drumstick.  I'm starting to really like this band's music videos.


Watch it here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61GrbjeNc1E&ob=av2n

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
Again, no dancing!  These guys make great videos!
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
Though not the best one, there is a plotline.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Point
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
It's designed to look like a Ray Harryhausen movie, which unfortunately doesn't qualify as either.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
No point.  There was this random room that they played guitar in.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
No point.
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
Heck yes!



This video gets a 6/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden

In a sentence, it's an entire video of distorted people in completely random and, around 80% of the time, creepy, if only due to the uncanny valley, situations in a world where the black hole sun makes things progressively darker and sucks things up.

Watch it here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mbBbFH9fAg&ob=av2e


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
The things don't appear to dance.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
 The end is just the band playing underneath the giant black hole sun.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
The images are... vaguely related.  I'll give it that.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Po Noint.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
Not a point in sight.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
Hey, isn't that a band playing on that hill over there and hogging the video?
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
Nope.
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I do not.




This video gets a 3/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Blow Up the Outside World by Soundgarden

So, this guy is instructed by an old lady to "watch".  It would be kind of hard for him to do anything else, because he is strapped to a chair in front of a TV screen.  The screen mostly shows a band playing for no reason.  Probably more than half the video is this band.  The rest involves short clips, each with a word on it like "love", "mother", "father", "enemy", "happiness", "country", or "me".  Hitler gets a turn as almost every one.  At the end, the screen blows up, and the guy absorbs all of the pieces that hit him while all of the others are killed.

Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sC2GjXMk7i4&ob=av2e

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
No dancing, so point.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
They were too busy making it truly awful and pseudo-philosophical to bother.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
I would call this a general theme, because of the guy strapped there, but this is used loosely.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
No point, just like the video.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
No point.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
Hey, what's that conspicuous BAND doing there?
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
No point.

1 point to spare in case I really like it.
No point.




This video gets a 4/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Goodbye Mr. A by the Hoosiers

Prior to the video, Mr. A was the greatest superhero in the world.  The three Hoosiers have now captured him and are replacing him and becoming the new superheroes.  Meanwhile, they plot ways to kill Mr. A.  The plan is to strap him to a rocket and have that rocket explode.  I loved it from beginning to end.  One of the reasons I've gone so long without updating is that I didn't trust that there were any good music videos out there amidst the barrage of crap.  This one proved me wrong.

Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeNNfS0ZTnU&ob=av3e

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
No dancing!  Yay!
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
Nope.  They should have used some of the animation they had at the beginning in the end.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
A plot!  The guys steal the superhero and take his place.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
Actually, it looks pretty lame. No point.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
There are none.  The concert at the beginning even serves a purpose.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
No point.
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I'm going to show this one to everybody I know.


This video gets a 7/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Headlines by Drake

The image isn't glitched.  A  good portion of the video had one image on the top and bottom and another in the middle.  The runner up for a good screenshot would have been a completely black screen, because it would flash black multiple times a second.  The music video shows the guy in places.  Places that make absolutely zero sense.  This party, a sports stadium, an elevator, and in front of a building with a graffito by the guy on it.  I thought for a moment it might be contrasting rich and poor lifestyles, but then I realized that first of all, that actually is a concept that people can grasp, and second of all, very little of the video actually shows rich or poor things.  Also, my eyes were quite annoyed by the constant black flashing.

watch it here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zi8FoOUbtak



1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
It doesn't sit still long enough to dance, so point.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
Nope.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
The images are quite unrelated.  The only thing that is constant throughout the video is the guest star, Mr. Black Screen.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.....
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
No point.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower.  
No. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
Nope.



This video gets a 2/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Alone With You by Jake Owen

The main character gets a text message from his girlfriend about her seeing him in twenty minutes.  He waits for her and they kiss.  Of course, that's not exactly all they do.  Halfway through, the same thing happens.  The whole time, he's also playing guitar on his couch.  The first and second halves have almost zero difference.  You could practically quit halfway through and have seen the entire video.  As shown in the screenshot, he also loves to walk through an alley of sorts with a dejected look on his face.  It's like how some people have a habit of feeding pigeons in parks, I think....

Watch it here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3EpArAtGJQ&ob=av2e


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
No dancing!  Instant points.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No point.  All but repeating half-way through just doesn't pack the same oomph.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
I'm going to call it a theme.  The theme is being texted, waiting for your girlfriend, and then doing naughty things with her.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
I don't think so.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
It shows random shots of him sitting on a couch playing guitar and walking through an alley all the time.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower.   
No point.
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
No point.




This video gets a 4/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Brighter than the Sun by Colbie Caillat

The whole thing goes from the girl in the picture being at a dance party and the girl in the picture bringing plants and grass inside.  Those are the two premises of the video.  I have to admit that I enjoyed a bit of the plant stuff, but otherwise, this video was dreadful.  Who would ever watch it... oh, yeah.  Me.  But if you aren't doing a blog that reviews music videos, this is not worth watching.

watch it here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KU5o6M7S5nQ



1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
She dances a bit, and I wouldn't say her dancing or the dancing at the dance party appealed to me.  No point.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
No point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
I'll give the "plant" half of the video this.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Why would a music video ever have one of these?
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
That's a negative.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower.  
I can think of a million plant-related things she could have done, and she didn't do any of them.
 1 point to spare in case I really like it.
No point.



This video gets a 1/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO

Twenty-eight days ago, the song in the video was released.  It has become so popular that people cannot get on with their everyday lives without breaking out into dance.  Truly, it is a terrible world.  The two protagonists are pulled over and given earplugs by one of the sane ones.  It almost sounds like a good start.

Then the music starts and they just dance the entire rest of the video.  There is nothing worth seeing in the music part of the music video.  The background also likes to mysteriously change whenever it feels like it.

Watch it here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQ6zr6kCPj8&ob=av2e


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
Well, the entire video is at least taken up with good dancing.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
≠ 

1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
That could have easily been a second grace, but whoever designed this video was most likely too drunk to care.  They just dance until the end.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
I will give it this because of the awesomeness before the song starts.  I'm a nice person.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
LMAO no.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
It looks very bad.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
The whole video is one big diversion from the stuff at the beginning.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower.
I don't think so.
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
No point.



This video gets a 2/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Domino by Jessie J

The whole thing was the girl in the screenshot dancing -- badly -- in front of different abstract backgrounds.




That's it.


Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJtB55MaoD0

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
Bad dancing the whole way through.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
No point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
N
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
N
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
N
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
This video was so devoid of anything, I'm not even bothering to say something for most of the points.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
N
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
N
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower.  
N
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
N





This video gets a whopping 0/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

When We Stand Together by Nickelback

The very first song I reviewed here was Savin Me by Nickelback.  I loved it and still think of it as one of the greatest music videos ever.  So, naturally, I figured that another song by the same band might be just as good.  Maybe, failing that, it would be at least pleasant to watch.  I was wrong.  The screenshot captures about 80 percent of the video.  The other 20 is filled with images.  Are they in any way related?  Not unless you count "emotionally evocative" as a relation.  The only thread that I could see through the pictures was that they are all of things intended to create strong emotions: firemen rescuing people, somebody holding bullets in their hands, and other, similar portrayals of vaguely emotional miscellanea.  The band playing in the grass offset the emotional nature of the snippets by having fun with camera angles.  A terrible, terrible music video.


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
This is a case of "It would be better with dancing."
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
The majority of images are of the band on the grassy mountain, which I would all count as one image.  The rest weren't related at all.  They were highly emotional, but even the emotion caused varied: some were hopeful, while others were saddening.

1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
I don't think that most bands have concerts on mountaintops, and it definitely wasn't cool.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower.   
There wasn't anything interesting about this video at all.
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
No point.


This video gets a 2/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

T. H. E. (The Hardest Ever) by will.i.am

Yes, you see that right.  Mick Jagger is in this video, and not just clips from long ago.  He sings part of the song, too, unlike in Moves like Jagger.  I was looking through the Billboard Hot 100 website, like I do whenever I can't think of a modern song, and I was amazed to see that there was a song featuring somebody who not only had a name I recognized, but also a name I liked the music from.  He can still sing, too.  Apparently, most of the people came to this song for the same reasons I did, because most of the comments appeared to be about Mick Jagger.  Anyways, I digress.  Jagger might have been able to sing, but the music video itself was horrible.  The main guy starts out running, then gets on a bicycle with large box-like things being thrown at him and a wall coming up.  He then gets in progressively bigger and bigger vehicles while large box-like things get thrown at him and walls rise from the ground.  He finally goes into space, where Mick Jagger is there, along with acid-trip imagery for the rest of the song.  If you enjoy your eyes, don't watch it.

Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjIwmJMqrco


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
The guy, the girl, and Jagger all like to dance a lot.  None of it is good.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
No point.  One could say the same thing about the entire video....
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No-sir-ee.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
I guess I'll count the constantly progressing vehicles in the beginning as a series of related images.  Point.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
NO.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
OH GOSH NO.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
It looks lame.  Jagger comes on and, believe it or not, it looks even worse.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
OH HOLY GOSH ON A STICK NO.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
Everything about this video does not go hard; it goes home.
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I really don't.

This video gets a 3.5/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Countdown by Beyonce

What IS this?  Why would somebody in their right mind MAKE a music video like this?  Coherency must not be exactly their strong suit.  Look at the screenshot.  The entire video is like this.  She dances and hugs herself and her shirt changes color.  Nothing worth watching happens.


Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XY3AvVgDns&ob=av2e


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
Well, at least she can dance.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Every single person in the video dances.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
Nope.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
There is nothing remotely like this in the video.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Nope.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Nope.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
Look at the screenshot.  You can tell it doesn't get this point because the rest of the video is incredibly similar.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
Ha.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
I don't count the power of making bad music videos.
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I really don't like it.



This video gets a 1/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Not your Fault by AWOLNATION

Lookee!  I'm now providing pictures!

Anyhow, Not your Fault is about a man who falls asleep and dreams of several different ways of rescuing a girl.  First, she is tied up in a snow beast's lair.  Then he saves her from burning at stake, all the while dodging bullets from a green monster.  The green one is killed only to be replaced by an even bigger one.  Finally, he saves her from a bunch of aliens on the moon... by zapping them with a ray that makes them want to dance.  In the first two stories, his friends are killed by the beasts.  In the third, they all dance at the end.  It's fairly good, but nothing to write home about.

Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbM_yE8KSmE

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
No point.  The aliens dance mainly by rocking back and forth.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
No point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
 In the beginning, the dream starts in his bed.  In the end, he's shown once again sleeping with Z's coming out of his mouth.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
It has three little plotlines wrapped up into one big plotline.

1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
No.  As you can see in the screenshot, it has kids' show animation.  It is interrupted by completely random half stop-motion, half random stuff moving in the background.

1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
After every story, there is a big, long diversion where he sings and chaotic items move around him.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower.
No point.

1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I like it.  Point.



This video gets a 5/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Say You Like Me by We the Kings

The protagonist wants to get the girl.  Unfortunately, the animated bad guy kidnaps her.  Luckily, he's got enough skills to get through all six levels and the fight to get to her, and she has the skills to defeat the final boss.  The entire world becomes a series of video games.

Watch it here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsBu-FXkhEA

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
I didn't notice any dancing.  It was too fun for any of that.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.

1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
The video is pretty straightforward and doesn't have anything warranting this point.

1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
It's an entire huge plot with several characters.  They are conveniently labelled as well.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Yay!

1 point if the music video has a plotline.
There's an entire four-minute fun-filled story here.

1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
Fail.  No point.

1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
No point.  Not all of those video games seemed to be strictly about him getting the girl from the bad guy.  The guitar hero one and the wii tennis one seemed especially suspect.

1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
It's all a video game!  Win. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
Love it!


This video gets a 7/10.
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Love You Like a Love Song by Selena Gomez

Here's one of those videos that just makes you scratch your head and say "What the...."  It starts out with somebody singing horribly in a karaoke place.  The person steps down and who should be announced next  but Selena Gomez?  As she sings, it cuts between her and what's going on besides lyrics on the karaoke screen.  Some examples: people in sombreros hitting a pinata with light sabers, a car running through a vector game, and Selena and a random guy walking down a purple beach.  "Coherent" would not make the top ten list of words to describe it.

Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgT_us6AsDg&ob=av2e


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
The crazy ones always seem to get the dancing points, because dancing can almost be an explanation for the insanity, and they can't have that!

1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.

1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No.  On a side note, all of the people in the screen make their way out to the karaoke place.

1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
 ... alright, the karaoke images were somewhat related.  point.

1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Not even.

1 point if the music video has a plotline.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
It just doesn't.

1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
It has diversions from the series of related images, even.

1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
Purpleness is not really that interesting. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I don't.


This video gets a 3/10.
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Gym Class Heroes by Stereo Hearts

The whole point of this video seems to be "If you like dancing, then you'll love dancing... with shadows!"  The video is taken up by several people dancing while their shadows do different dance moves, dance faster, get picked up by giant shadow hands, or explode.  There are also a few shots of televisions.  Not really worth watching.

Your shadow can watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3E9Wjbq44E&ob=av2e

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
Wonderful dancing.  I actually liked the shadow aspect of it.  What I didn't like was how the whole video was dedicated to that concept.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
No point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
Not at all.  The video had several things that only came into play in the beginning that I expected to see at the end, but I didn't.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
I'll give it a point here because shadow-dancing has to count for something as far as this goes.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
No point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
No... the radio that seems to buzz time a bit at the beginning completely wrecked the idea of a realistic setting where the shadows were the only things off.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
It was diversion city in this video, what with the random TVs coming into play every so often.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
This music video is the epitome of this point. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
Close, but no cigar.


This video gets a 3/10.
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Someone Like You by Adele

Ever just had that insatiable urge to watch somebody walking across a bridge in black and white for almost five minutes straight?  This video will not fulfill that urge, because at the end there is a change of scenery: she is walking down a road for the last minute.  Fun.  Things really don't get worse than this as far as music videos go.  On a lighter note, I've changed the "makes you think" point's name to better suit its intended purpose.

Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQl3WQQoQ0&ob=av2e


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
It manages this point by having no dancing.  The reason is that it has nothing interesting period, and dancing just happens to fall into that.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No point.  In fact, it really doesn't have a beginning or end.  You could pick it up at any time in the video and have the video play until it reaches that point again and not lose anything.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
No point at all.  It's like watching a five-second gif for five minutes.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
I think the idea of "black and white will make anything automatically deep" was played with here.  It was disproved.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
It makes the other music videos look bad by being a music video.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
It... gets this point.  It's very realistic to just be walking for five minutes.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
Because it fails to have any theme or plotline at all, no point.
1 point if the music video has a person or setting with an interesting status or superpower. 
I don't count "being in black and white" as interesting. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
Nope.


This video gets a 3/10.
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Handlebars by Flobots

It's a lot easier to understand once you're able to tell the difference between the two main characters.  Just wanted to get that out there, because I at first thought that it was just about one guy.  The video starts with two guys riding bicycles down a hill.  They hug and go their separate ways -- one goes down a path with a dove on the sign and the other goes down a path with a stylized copyright symbol on the sign.  The dove-sign man goes down a sidewalk and watches people doing happy things, like dancing and jumping rope.  He picks up a fallen apple and puts it back in its container.  On the sidewalk is a chalk drawing of two people going down a hill on bicycles.  The other guy going down the copyright path is then shown receiving a call from the first guy.  He is surrounded by automobiles and advertisements for sex and clothes.  As a minor note, one of the things in the background is a raven or crow in the sky.  A skyscraper is being built in the distance.  He soon becomes head of a business and then a nation.  His friend from the beginning walks by and sees him on the television as a dove is attacked in the sky by a raven or crow.  People become less happy as security cameras start popping up.  The friend from the dove path gives a call to action against the changes.  The scenes get darker and darker and more security cameras appear (especially chilling is the one that targets on the friend from the dove path on the word "assassination").  Finally, the two former friends meet.  The one who took the copyright path has snipers and a riot squad with him, while the one from the dove path is simply leading a group of citizens with handmade bombs.  The friend who took the dove path is killed while the other friend wears a look of horror.  The two are then shown riding bikes once again down the hill.  Powerful stuff.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLUX0y4EptA&ob=av2e

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
Here's the problem: when I made this criteria, I meant random dancing that the main characters do that really serves no purpose but to look cool.  There's dancing, but the few seconds of dancing are used to illustrate that the people on the dove side are happy.  I will give it both points and go by the spirit and not the letter of the system I created.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
 Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
The beginning and end are marked by the two friends riding bicycles down a hill in a carefree manner.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
Plotline here.  The length of the summary at the beginning of this post should have been the first clue.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Oddly enough, I at first thought it was a theme because I didn't distinguish between the two characters.  Make sure to remember: one has brown hair and the other has blond.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Goodness yes.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
Here's where it fails.  The animation goes from horrible to square in the center of the uncanny valley.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
None at all.
1 point if the music video does something that makes you think. 
Despite all of the underlying messages, it doesn't apply to this video in the sense I mean this point. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I love this music video.  It's full of things that make you say "oh" the second time you watch it.  The story will give you those chills you get when you see a movie or read a book with a good, dramatic ending.


This video gets an 8/10. 
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

A Sorta Fairytale by Tori Amos

A classic boy meets girl scenario happens here: a woman who is just a leg with a head on it is on a sidewalk looking at a guy who is just an arm with a head on it.  When he sees that she has two big toes, the second where her pinky toe should be, she jumps on a skateboard to get away from him.  She quickly finds a sock to put on.  Cut to a beach: she's lying down and he comes and finds her and takes her sock off.  They kiss, and... these... things start moving around underneath their skin.  The things are new body parts.  Because of the kiss, each one ends up growing an entire body.  OK, maybe it isn't exactly a classic boy meets girl scenario.


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
There's no dancing, because it would be quite hard to dance with only one limb.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
Yay, plotline!  It's been a while, Mr. Plotline, and I've missed you.  
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
The plotline, though not extremely complex, manages to enchant the viewer.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
It's actually very realistic if one accepts the premises.  Point.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
No diversions here.  It sets out to tell a story and succeeds brilliantly.
1 point if the music video does something that makes you think. 
No point. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I like it a little bit because it has a plotline, but though it captures everything amazingly, I don't like romance stories and I especially don't like seeing people kiss.  No point.



This video gets a 7/10. 
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Sloop John B by the Beach Boys

It's labelled as a "promo film", but I'm going to count this lovely piece of work as a music video.  Sloop John B was a song released in 1966 on the album Pet Sounds.  It's one of my favorite songs of all time and one of the only songs this early on to have a music video.  A bunch of people start out by going out a door and greeting somebody.  They then dance their way to a swimming pool, where a large raft is thrown in.  Random people start to show up and jump on the raft and play in the pool.  One of them has a Tiger Beat magazine, which he flashes in front of the camera at the end.


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
The minimal amount of dancing is done very well.  Point.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
No point.  Those awesome movements that they do on their way to the cool?  I consider them to be dancing.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No point.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
The theme here is "pool fun".
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Point for theme.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
There wasn't a plotline.  
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
It was a bit dorky-looking throughout, so no point here.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
Believe it or not, there actually aren't any diversions, a nice surprise in a video so old.  Usually the older a video is, the worse it is.
1 point if the music video does something that makes you think. 
No point. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I like it because it's the Beach Boys.  Oh, yeah, and I like it for being a good music video, too.



This video gets a 5/10.
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Smuggler's Blues by Glenn Frey

Smuggler's Blues starts out with a man counting his money.  He is one of two guys sitting in a car.  The one in the white shirt gets shot but rushes back to the car in time to die in the car.  It then shows the other guy, as well as a woman, changing through multiple disguises and exchanging packages.  Scenes of him talking with the police are interspersed throughout.  At the end, it shows the original dead body in the car with a radio broadcast about an unexplained shooting.


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
No dancing!  Whoopee!
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Thank goodness it gets a point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
Yep.  The dead guy from the very beginning is present at the end.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
Smuggler's Blues has a "life as a smuggler" theme to it.  It's not quite well-defined enough to have a plotline.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Sadly, it doesn't have anything more than a theme. 

1 point if the music video has a plotline.
There are some plot-like elements to it, but if I counted it as a plotline, I would have to count it as 90% fluff and diversions, and that really makes a theme.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
You'd think it would be able to do one or the other when showing something that, in real life, is generally seen as cool, but the whole thing was pretty meh.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
If it had a plotline, it would, but as a theme, it has no diversions, and thus gets this point.
1 point if the music video does something that makes you think. 
No point. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I actually don't really have that much of an opinion on it, so no point.


This video gets a 6/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Look it Up by Ashton Shepherd

This has to be the first time I've laughed while watching a music video.  Well, maybe not the first time; I've probably laughed at how bad something was, but with Look it Up, I laughed at the humor being portrayed.  The protagonist is selling all of her husband's stuff when the husband drives in.  She then tells him to look up certain words that have to do with him cheating on her.  The lyrics to the song are part of the music video, too.  Most music videos are analogous to silent films, in that the lyrics may relate to what the video is about, but they do not sound like somebody talking and the character will not say them or say them and have that not have anything to do with the rest of the video.  In Look it Up, it's like the woman and the man are having a conversation that just happens to be identical with the lyrics.

Watch it here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1kT4u_D5PA&ob=av2e


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
 No dancing here!  All of the movements are completely natural!
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
No point here.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
It's on that strange border between theme and plotline.  I'll go with theme here, because besides at the very beginning when the man drives in, nothing really changes about it.

1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Theme point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Unfortunately, it does not get this point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
There is neither in Look it Up.  I wouldn't count extreme humor as a point, so no point.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
It loves to cut to her sitting in a chair and then burning a jacket (eep!) on a barbeque.
1 point if the music video does something that makes you think. 
No point.

1 point to spare in case I really like it.
It made me laugh the second time, when I showed it to somebody else, and the third time, when I watched it to check for a couple of my criteria.  I really like it.


This video gets a 5/10. 
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Without You by David Guetta

Without You is about this guy who dances (and his dancing looks suspiciously like just talking with his hands...) and holds concerts, and his concerts all over the world somehow create Pangaea.  In his concerts, people dance in a way that looks suspiciously like just jumping up and down with their hands stretched upwards.  In the end they all meet and continue with the bouncing-with-upstretched-hands thing.

Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUe8uoKdHao


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
No point.  The dancing is very bad.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
And yet said bad dancing takes up most of the video.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
 No.  Interestingly enough, it ends with everybody making a heart symbol with their hands.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
Series to the max.  Point.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
 There is no theme.  There's an undercurrent of "all the people from all of the countries are the same" but that is:
A) not a theme, but a message and
B) something that has been used as a message for decades and decades, nonstop.  I don't think many of the people watching the video really need this message....
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Ha.  No.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
The world does not seem very cool in this video, and the things that happen were portrayed so outrageously (look at the way the continents move!) that it's laughable.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
It has these.  No point.

1 point if the music video does something that makes you think. 
The music video makes me think about never watching it again. No point. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
Can you tell I don't?  If not, then let me state it: I don't.


This video gets a 1/10. 
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield (UK version)

You're Christmas gift from Music Video Per Diem: an excellent music video!  This was one of the first music videos I ever saw, and it tricked me into thinking they all were this good.  The only downside is the dancing that she does.  A little red book at the bottom of a bookshelf has an oval on the cover that shows someone -- probably the singer -- moving around and singing.  The book starts climbing the bookshelf and the higher it gets, the bigger the other books get.  A little less than halfway through the video, we see that the book is aiming for a dove it sees on the roof of the library.  The books start to get enormous until they turn into glaciers.  In one of these glaciers, the little red book takes shelter in a small nook to get away from the rainstorm that has started.  It burns its own pages for fuel in a sad and heartwarming moment.  The next day, it sets out again and climbs the highest of the glaciers.  It barely pulls itself high enough to see the bird when a gust of wind throws it off the glacier and rips it apart.  A woman catches one of the pages.  There's brilliance in this music video.

Bask in its glory here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFFBSSntZgs


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
The little dancing it has looks pretty bad to me.  No point.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
 The girl on the cover of the book dances often.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
The bird, though not strictly at the beginning, is only really shown twice, and the instances are far apart.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
Hardcore plotline all the way.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Finally, after slogging through the metaphorical sewers, there's one with a plotline.

1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Definite point.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
Neither, unfortunately.  Books are cool, but they don't look cool, and this is an aesthetic point.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
Every time it shows the cover in detail, it is a diversion.
1 point if the music video does something that makes you think. 
Actually, not really.  Most of the ones I like and the ones with plotlines have this.  This one, not so much. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
Heck yes.


This video gets a 5/10.  But not really.  I'm going to go against my ranking system and give it an 8/10.
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield (US version)

So, I've seen both versions.  Apparently, citizens of the United States like me are expected to like crap videos more than music videos with an actual plot.  The United Kingdom version is one of my favorite music videos, and you will be seeing my review of it tomorrow.  The protagonist (presumably Natasha Bedingfield) gets into an elevator.  The elevator leads to completely random places, and completely random people get on and off.  That's it.  Nothing more happens.

Destroy your eyes with it here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7k0a5hYnSI&ob=av2n


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
It really didn't have dancing, so I will give it both dancing points.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
Not unless that last person she met was one of the earlier people on the elevator.  There wasn't enough light on his face to see.  Considering the random nature of the rest of the video, this is unlikely, so no point.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
Theme: Hello, I am on an elevator.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
And no.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
Neither. The back of an elevator with the protagonist in it isn't cool.  The places it went and the way the people acted wasn't realistic.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
Every so often, it will show just her head singing.
1 point if the music video does something that makes you think. 
No. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
Absolutely not.


This video gets a 4/10.  If she had just danced, the score would be more fitting.
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Move Along by All American Rejects

Ah, now here's an interesting premise.  The protagonist just stands there, against different backdrops, his clothes changing every few seconds.  It sounds boring, but it's actually a good video.  There's really nothing more than that.  What interested me was that his mouth forms the words of the song very fluidly even though where he is and what he's wearing change.  There's hardly any jerkiness in his facial expression, even when the scene is changing several times a second.

You can watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XleOkGsYgO8&ob=av3e

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
I would not count "standing there" as dancing.  Point.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
Every scene is repeated numerous times throughout the video, so no.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
I had a tough time deciding, but I would classify this video under "theme" instead of "series of related images" because the images are just too similar.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
The theme is him moving through the good and the bad in life, along with him being in the same spot in nearly every picture.

1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Here's where I draw the line.  It has nothing of the sort.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
Neither, I'm afraid.  It's cool, but not overly so.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
The whole "empty pool full of fans" thing is a huge diversion.
1 point if the music video does something that makes you think. 
Yes.  You should eventually see a pattern and start to get what I mean when I had out this point, as I don't think I did a good job of describing it.
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
You know what?  I do.  It's certainly better than the last few stinkers, and I just plain enjoyed it.


This video gets a 6/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

The Reason by Hoobastank

Boy, I can really pick 'em.  There was a theme here.  The same girl got hit by a car countless times.  Other people got hit by cars, as well, if I'm interpreting it right.  There was also a van that slowed down and looked suspiciously as if it was hitting somebody.  The girl who got hit the most times also got shown lying on the ground on countless occasions.  Also, the protagonist was robbing some kind of store that kept priceless jewels in the back but didn't look like a bank.  There was no semblance of a story thrown onto this video whatsoever.

You can subject yourself to it here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV4DiAyExN0&ob=av2n

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
There is a point here.  There was no dancing.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
 No.  All things were present throughout the video.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
I will give a half a point here, since though a lot of the images have no relation at all, this appears to be because there are two separate things going on.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Not even close.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Nope.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
Besides the cars that get fifty bonus points if they hit someone, this is very real-looking.  Point.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
Oh, does it ever.  No point here.
1 point if the music video does something that makes you think. 
No. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
Absolutely not.



This video gets a 3.5/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

The reasoning behind my judgement

Somebody has asked me why I have the ten points the way I do.  For example, why would I give a point to a video for not having dancing?  Why would I have three that say almost the exact same thing, only getting more specific every time?  Here, I will attempt to provide an answer.

The Dancing points:
1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.

I do not like dancing.  It can interrupt a good plot.  There's never any purpose within the plot, or even the theme, for people to randomly start dancing.  This is just my opinion.  That being said, there's good dancing and there's getting hit with waves of cheesiness and creepy sexuality.  So the idea here is that if the video has no dancing, then it will get two points, and if it has good dancing, it will get one.

The Ending point:
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.

I just really like it when this happens.  It ties things up and makes it interesting.

The Plotline points:
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.

Most music video have no plot.  This is a bad thing.  When a music video has a plot, it makes it several orders of magnitude better.  Next down is a theme, which is still better than a bunch of related images, which is still better than a video of, say, the band performing.  I love music videos with plotlines.  So much so that if a music video has one, it will get a whopping three points.  If it has a theme, it will get two points, and the images give it a single point.

The Aesthetic point:
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.

Sometimes a music video has a setting that's just cool.  Look at 3 a. m. by Eminem and tell me that the hospital with blood on the walls isn't cool.  The way the person or people move can be cool, too.  I'm not talking about dancing, just the way somebody gets from point A to point B.  Sometimes an element comes into play that just makes the whole video cool.  On the flip side, reality is rarely cool.  However, I love music videos that go for realism.  My favorite music video ever is Savin Me by Nickelback.  It has no coolness, but the way it depicts his new found "power" and the outlying city looks very real.  Either one will give a video this point.


The Distraction point:
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.

You're watching a music video and it has an awesome plotline in a thoroughly cool setting, with no dancing, but there's just one problem: every ten seconds or so, it shows a few seconds of the band sitting around playing instruments.  Why?  No idea.  The music video would be a lot better without it.


The Interesting point:
1 point if the music video does something that makes you think. 

I don't mean that it opens up a new philosophical debate or brings to the forefront an issue about our society here.  What I mean is that it has a refreshing new premise, or at least new for a music video, and makes you think about that premise or the music video itself.  This one's a bit hard to describe.   

The Subjective point: 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.

I think this one's pretty self-explanatory.



I was also asked why I don't review the songs.  Simply put, all of the songs, without exception, are crap.  If I can think of a single nice thing to say about the song, usually about the lyrics, I put it.  But I like the sixties and the seventies, and anything that comes after them sounds really horrible to me. If the song quality became part of my criterion, there would most likely never be a score above five.

It Will Rain by Bruno Mars

And I thought the last one was bad.  Silly me.  The last one actually had the two people on screen for the majority of the video.  In this one, the main guy (presumably Bruno) really, really, REALLY likes a certain pose.  So much so that he sings into a microphone in the same pose for the majority of the video.  The rest is of him and a woman hugging and possibly doing a bit more.  It would have been more interesting if he had showed his cat chasing a laser for four minutes and twenty-seven seconds.

Are you an insomniac?  Put yourself to sleep here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-w3WfgpcGg&ob=av2e

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
He dances a bit.  It is very plain and hard to distinguish as dancing, and so is either really bad dancing or no dancing.  I'll be generous and give it a half a point.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
The same half point is still applying here.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
Not in the least.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
It's basically a still photograph that sings.  The images of him and the girl are also quite unrelated.  No point.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Not even close.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
Here's the plotline.  You're sitting in front of your computer when you see an incredibly awesome blog.  It mentions a certain music video, and you click the link before reading it.  Unfortunately, it really can't hold your interest.  You go off, get a sandwich, and come back.  The music video is ending.  "Thank goodness," you say, and go read the review.  You then show the blog to all of your friends.

1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
No.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
Would "sometimes he moves" count as a diversion?  I think so.
1 point if the music video does something that makes you think. 
It gave my mind plenty of time to wander, but that's not really the meaning of this point. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
No.


This video gets a 0.5/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

We Fell in Love by Rihanna

In an effort to keep "hip", I looked up what the current number one song is.  Shame on you, other people my age, for having such atrocious taste in music -- and music videos.  There is no plot.  There is no theme.  The images are related in that the whole music video appears to be about two creepy crooks being disgustingly gooey with each other as well as being eerily possessive.  They also engage in every minor crime or vice known to man, and both show far too much skin.  At one point in the video, the woman does something symbolic. She barfs.  It is indicative of the total quality of the music video.

Blackmail your enemies with the threat of watching it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tg00YEETFzg&ob=av2e

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
They are too busy being creepy and sexual with each other to dance.  Point.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
Nothing, as far as I could see, came into play only at the far extremes of the video.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
The images were related, though not quite enough to be a theme.
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Nope.  "Here's how much I love this person as I take drugs and shoplift" does not count as a theme.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
There's an epic fail here.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
No point, because dear God I hope reality isn't like that...
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
Ha.
1 point if the music video does something that makes you think. 
I was trying to turn my brain off to cancel out the extreme revulsion it produced in me. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I do not.


This video gets a 3/10.  Barely.
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.

Money for Nothing by Dire Straits

I'll balance out all of these modern songs by reviewing the music video to a song I like.  It begins with a digitally animated guy sitting on a chair with his dog, watching TV.  On the TV is a band playing, presumably Dire Straits.  A second digitally animated guy is introduced, and they move around a digitally animated store, where there are music videos playing on all of the TVs.  The first guy, at various points in the video, gets frozen solid and gets his head cooked in the microwave.  Also, the room with the dog is featured throughout the video.

Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAD6Obi7Cag

1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
I'll count it as no dancing, as I saw about two seconds of dancing in the entire video, all while the band was on the TV.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
There is nothing that comes in at the beginning and isn't featured again until the end.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
There is a theme.  The theme is "digital animation", and also "watching music videos".
1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
Point.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
There was no plotline.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
Neither.  It had a bit of coolness when they showed the band and they all had glowing clothes, but otherwise, it was quite dumb-looking, and not at all realistic.  If that was as good as digital animation got back then, then they shouldn't have used digital animation.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
The glowing-clothes band was a diversion to the overall theme.

1 point if the music video does something that makes you think. 
Nothing to think about here. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
I feel kind of "meh" towards it.

This video gets a 4/10.
I am HIGHLY open for suggestions for music videos to review.

Oh Boy (I Need You) by Mariah Carey

Crap to the extreme.  It was rife with random images, but none were related.  If you're wondering what it's like or looking for a summary, it is impossible to describe -- in a bad way.  There is a giant orange godzilla-looking thing.  The main character in in the middle of an office at one point with a tiny girl with fairy wings in her hand, which has clouds on it as well.  Let me repeat that sentence. The main character in in the middle of an office at one point with a tiny girl with fairy wings in her hand, which has clouds on it as well.  In the beginning, a animated robot or cartoon or something does the laces on her shoe and puts a bracelet on her.  Cars explode at one point.  Both singers (there is a rapper named Cam'Ron in here as well) like to stand in front of a background with their names on it.

Force your childhood bully to watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExC7J-WrScY


1 point if the music video in question has very good dancing or no dancing.
It did not appear to have any real dancing.  I almost think it would have been better if it did.  Unfortunately, it gets a point.
1 point if the music video has no dancing.
Point.
1 point if the music video has something from the beginning come into play at the end.
Maybe, but I don't think so.  The unending stream of crap does not stop at any point, so it cannot be said to take a pause in the middle.
1 point if the music video has a series of related images, a theme, or a plotline.
To find out how relate these images are, go to the nearest biology lab.  Find a sample of a bacterium.  You and that bacterium are far closer cousins than any of the scenes depicted in this video. 

1 point if the music video has a theme or a plotline.
The only thing that remains the same is the person, and even that is up for debate, due to the second person being introduced.
1 point if the music video has a plotline.
No point.  In fact, for being so horrible on this account, I will give it negative two points, to balance out the earlier lack of dancing.  I can do that.
1 point if the music video is either depicts extreme coolness or extreme realism.
Extreme lunacy is the only thing to be found in this music video.
1 point if the music video, if it has a plotline or theme, has no diversions from it.
No.
1 point if the music video does something that makes you think. 
It makes me think that the music video for Bad Romance can be considered good compared to this. 
1 point to spare in case I really like it.
... and no.



This video gets a 0/10.  
I am HIGHLY up for suggestions for music videos to review.